Weed Chart

Well, it seems out of all the problems facing Cali these days, they are still on track to vote on legalizing marijuana. A recent poll shows that citizens are on the fence with the issue. So, there is a slim chance that they could actually legalize it and move on to more important things.

I wish that they would just hurry up, legalize it, and be done with it. There are several advantages besides the typical “we can tax the frak out of it and save the state from bankruptcy” argument. Here is my humble opinion on why marijuana should be legalized everywhere and not just in the wonderfully progressive state of California.

1. Reduced workplace competition

With everyone stoned out of their minds, no one will want to come in to work anymore resulting in massive firings. What does that mean for the rest of us hard working Americans? Higher wages! Frak Yes! You will finally be able to get that promotion because there simply will be no alternatives.

Looking for a job? Who is the company going to hire? A stoner-hippie, or you who still remembers how to dress properly before coming to a job interview. Not to mention the fact that you will probably get it because the stoner-hippie likely confused the words ‘job interview’ and ‘marijuana dispenser’. The former being anathema to them and the latter nirvana.

2. You can sell anything to someone while stoned

How easy is it to sell useless and cheap merchandise to someone while they chase the dragon (or whatever it is the kids are calling it these days)? Exactly. Your business plan of selling off cheap goods imported from China will work out beautifully and make you filthy rich, which will almost certainly take on a concrete meaning since you will only be paid in extremely dirty cash.

3. An increase in art appreciation

No one has a greater appreciation of the arts than a stoner-hippie (or at least a good approximation of it). With legalized marijuana flowing in abundance, art galleries will be packed with stoner-hippies finding themselves while assuming they are all having collective extensional experiences. Anyone trying to sell new paintings of stupid things (like this guy) will have no trouble finding buyers partially due to my second reason.

This will probably destroy Hollywood, but who would really miss them anyways? Actually, come to think about it, it wouldn’t because movies like Speed Racer would demand a re-watch while high.

So, there. That is why weed needs to be legalized plain and simple. Come on, California, get to the voting booths and show your support for dear old Mary Jane!